The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. — Rajneesh

Here's what no one tells you: You already know how to mother. That intuition, that connection, that fierce protective instinct that wakes you seconds before your baby cries? That's real. That's innate. That's yours.

What you don't know—what our society has failed to provide—is how to mother without a village, without support, without acknowledgment of the seismic transformation you're experiencing.

Welcome to matrescence—the radical metamorphosis of becoming a mother that our culture has somehow decided isn't worth talking about.

What Is Matrescence? (No, It's Not a Typo)

Think of adolescence—that turbulent time of hormonal shifts, identity exploration, and emotional rollercoasters that transforms a child into an adult. Now imagine a change just as profound but compressed into a shorter, more intense timeframe. That's matrescence.

First coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and more recently championed by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, matrescence describes the complex physical, psychological, emotional, and social transition to motherhood.

The irony? The mothering part—the intuitive caring for your child—often comes naturally. It's navigating this transformation without support that I think is part of what is crushing modern mothers.

The Problem Isn't You—It's Our Broken Society

Let's get one thing crystal clear: If you're struggling with motherhood, it's not because you don't know how to mother. It's because you're mothering in a society that has systematically dismantled every support structure that should be surrounding new mothers.

We've Lost Our Villages

For most of human history, mothers were never meant to do this alone. New mothers were surrounded by experienced women—aunts, grandmothers, sisters, neighbors—who provided practical help, emotional support, and wisdom. Today? You're lucky if you get a rushed postpartum checkup at six weeks.

We've Prioritized Productivity Over Humanity

Our culture values what you produce, not who you nurture. Maternal work—the endless invisible labor of caring, feeding, teaching, loving—is dismissed as "not working." We're expected to either outsource mothering to return to "productive" work or accept social invisibility as "just a mom."

We've Medicalized a Natural Transition

Pregnancy and birth have been taken out of the realm of female wisdom and placed under medical management. While medical care saves lives, we've lost the holistic support that traditionally surrounded this transition, leaving mothers with physical care but emotional abandonment.

We've Isolated Mothers in Nuclear Family Prisons

The nuclear family—a relatively recent invention—places impossible demands on mothers. One or two adults alone cannot meet the physical, emotional, and logistical demands of raising children, running a household, and maintaining adult relationships. It's a setup for burnout, not success.

Mothering Instincts vs. Matrescence Struggles

The challenging paradox many mothers face is this: While caring for your baby often feels instinctive (you somehow know what different cries mean, you find yourself rocking even when not holding the baby), navigating your own transformation without support feels impossible.

You can simultaneously be an amazing, intuitive mother and still:

• Feel completely overwhelmed by the logistics of modern motherhood
• Mourn your previous identity and independence
  
• Feel disappointed by the lack of community support
• Struggle with the physical recovery from birth while caring for a newborn

This dichotomy—confident in your mothering but drowning in your matrescence—is the unspoken reality for millions of women.

Why Recognizing Matrescence Is Revolutionary

Understanding matrescence shifts the narrative from "what's wrong with me?" to "what's wrong with this picture?" It's revolutionary because:

1. It Moves Blame Where It Belongs

Instead of pathologizing mothers who struggle, we recognize that the struggle comes from lack of support, not lack of maternal capability. The problem isn't you—it's the impossible situation you've been placed in.

2. It Validates Your Innate Wisdom

Acknowledging matrescence means recognizing that mothers aren't blank slates who need experts to tell them how to care for their babies. You have innate wisdom and intuition—what you need is support to access and trust it.

3. It Demands Structural Change

When we name matrescence as a significant life transition deserving of support, we create a mandate for societal change—from extended parental leave to community care networks to postpartum doula support covered by insurance.

4. It Creates Space for Righteous Anger

Understanding that motherhood struggles stem from societal failings gives you permission to be angry at the system, not yourself. This anger can be a powerful catalyst for both personal boundaries and collective action.

5. It Reconnects Us to Ancient Wisdom

Recognizing matrescence helps us reclaim the communal knowledge about motherhood transition that has been lost in our individualistic culture, reconnecting us to age-old wisdom about supporting new mothers.

Finding Support in an Unsupportive World

If society won't naturally provide the support you need during matrescence, you'll need to intentionally create it:

Build Your Modern Village

You may not have aunties and grandmothers living next door, but you can create a support network of friends, neighbors, online communities, and paid help if possible. Don't wait for people to offer—ask specifically for what you need.

Connect With Other Truth-Telling Mothers

Find mothers who speak honestly about their experiences. Run from the perfectionist mommy groups and toward the women who admit they're wearing day-three hair and have existential crises during 3 a.m. feedings.

Advocate Fiercely for Your Needs

In a society that expects mothers to be self-sacrificing, stating your needs becomes a radical act. Need a shower? A nap? An hour alone? A real conversation? Name it and claim it unapologetically.

Reject Impossible Standards

Our culture's ideals of motherhood—always patient, perpetually available, entirely fulfilled by mothering, maintaining a spotless home and Instagram-worthy appearance—are designed to keep you feeling inadequate. Reject them ruthlessly.

Honor Your Intuition

You've been bombarded with parenting advice since your pregnancy test turned positive, but the truth is this: You know your baby better than any expert. Trust your gut, even when (especially when) it contradicts the latest parenting bestseller.

Reimagining Motherhood Through Matrescence

What if we approached motherhood not as a role to perfect but as a profound transformation to be supported? What if we recognized that mothers inherently know how to mother, but need communities that honor this transition?

Imagine if:

• New mothers were surrounded by practical support for the first 90 days
• Maternal mental health care was integrated into regular postpartum care
• Extended family, friends and communities organized meal trains, childcare rotations, and household help without being asked
• Workplaces offered flexible, generous parental leave and gradual returns (not 6 months, I am talking 18+ months)
• Our culture valued nurturing as highly as productivity

This isn't a utopian fantasy—it's how motherhood was supported for most of human history and still is in many cultures. By naming and claiming matrescence, we take the first step toward reclaiming these supports.

Your Matrescence, Your Power

The transition to motherhood has transformed you—perhaps in ways you're still discovering. You have navigated an identity revolution with insufficient support, and yet, here you are, mothering with an intuitive wisdom that runs bone-deep.

That strength—to mother well even without the support you deserve—is remarkable. Imagine what would be possible if that strength was nurtured rather than tested, supported rather than exploited.

Understanding matrescence doesn't just change how you see your motherhood journey. It changes how you mother the next generation. It changes what you demand from society. It changes the future.

So let's start talking about the birth of the mother—not as a woman who needs to be taught how to mother, but as a powerful, intuitive being who deserves to be mothered herself as she steps into this new role.

Are you navigating matrescence without adequate support? What would have made your transition to motherhood easier?